Nearly three years ago, I realized I had a problem. My gambling was out of control and I was spending money I didn’t have. For a long time, I didn’t see my gambling as a problem; everyone else gambled – why shouldn’t I?
The gambling that used to occur once in a while (for fun) had changed and I was isolating myself from family and friends. I was constantly stressed-out; looking for money to play any chance I could. Always late and full of excuses, people quickly became frustrated with me. I didn’t care – I simply chose to be alone or with other gamblers. Feelings of guilt and loneliness were overwhelming – I loathed myself.
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- Go back to Gambling and Trading - Beating the Spread. Addicted to Gambling - A Horror Story - THIS IS WHAT COULD HAPPEN IF YOU DON'T CONTROL YOURLSELF!!;-) Hi ALL, Well, let's see, now. I live in UK/London. My gambling history goes back around 6/7 years, now.
- The gambling that used to occur once in a while (for fun) had changed and I was isolating myself from family and friends. I was constantly stressed-out; looking for money to play any chance I could. Always late and full of excuses, people quickly became frustrated with me. ← Mike's Story Derek's Story.
- Carolyn Crawford went to prison for stealing from her employer to support her pokies addiction, and now shares her story to encourage others to seek help for gambling harm.
It wasn’t long before my husband discovered what I had been hiding. He felt helpless while still wanting to keep me out of trouble… he bailed me out of money situations several times. I wondered how I could actually be putting him though this but I was self-centered and just kept going. I felt alone, afraid, depressed and angry. I grew paranoid, thinking everyone was cheating me out of money and winnings.
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I “borrowed” money from my kids, my husband and my father. I wrote bad checks and desperately looked for change in old coat pockets. My world was coming undone. The kids never had my full attention, I didn’t cook often, the laughter was gone from our home. I had lost myself.
My husband finally pleaded with me to quit and get help; he was emotionally exhausted and financially depleted from my gambling. How could I be hurting the person I loved and respected? Instead of getting angry, I cried. I felt so scared and broken. I had to change and needed help.
A counselor helped me find the Gamblers Choice Program at Lutheran Social Services in Fargo. There, I met with two very special counselors who understood what I was going through. I learned to work the 12 steps of Gamblers Anonymous. I worked at my own pace and was grateful for the help and education regarding gambling. I took working each step very seriously. It was hard work learning to live for the present day – and each day recommitting to life without gambling.
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I started feeling human again; there were new possibilities – there was hope! I was learning a second chance! I started caring about things again; I was excited about this process and took each day one at a time. Eventually I made amends to the people I had hurt, repaid borrowed money and began to rebuild my life. I found the way back to loving myself too. With the support of Gamblers Choice, Gamblers Anonymous, my sponsor and my family, I have been gamble-free for almost three years. I have found a peaceful new life. I am mindful of the effort I still need to put towards my days but I am happy and whole again and it’s worth every bit.
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Today I focus on serenity and honestly. I work my twelfth step by helping others in their recovery. I know that I cannot gamble again – not even small bets. But I’m okay with that; I have my marriage and family, I am proud of myself, I greet each day with positivity – there are so many possibilities again! I will be forever thankful.